Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Accept The Ambiguities

Amy, bless her heart, sent me two emails today. Both were packed with the kind of fortification necessary to help me through a long, challenging day. As you can imagine, transitioning from the rolling green hills of North Carolina and the unharried energies of the Human Kindness Foundation to the steamy concrete of Times Square and deadline intensive MTV was jarring. Three hours of fitful sleep didn't help. But Amy's email sure did:


    So your "angels in the atmosphere" are at work again today, and these words straight from Fred himself:

    "I've often hesitated in beginning a project because I've thought, 'It'll never turn out to be even remotely like the good idea I have as I start.' I could just 'feel' how good it could be. But I decided that, for the present, I would create the best way I know how and accept the ambiguities."

    Accept the ambiguities. Everyone is pulling for you.

    Best, Amy

After work, I spent a few minutes on my deck, watching the clouds soar by. Then I called Abbi and talked her ear off. I was rolling on materialism, being in the world but not of the world, life, death, truth and beauty for a half hour, non-stop. Then I stepped inside (out of the rain), and wrote Amy...

    Forgive me for taking so long to respond to both of your thoughtful, inspiring, and comforting notes. As you can imagine, leaving Richmond at 6AM, flying into New York at 7AM, and returning to work at 9AM makes for quite a day. I only now just finished eating dinner, and am sitting down to begin to process all that's transpired...

    As you may have read, yesterday went quite well. Bo is an interesting, charismatic, and very deep man. Words still fail me when I try to summarize all that we discussed in our nearly six hour conversation. From culture to kids to shaking off our mortality; we covered some serious ground. As you read, I was rendered speechless by the end of the afternoon. (I'm still recovering, to be sure.)

    Your emails have helped restore me to a place of confidence. Chris, too, keeps reminding me, "One step at a time." It's not so much that I doubt the outcome (as long and in whatever form it might take), but instead am reeling a bit over how naive I was to undertake this project -- this journey -- and not expect to be forever transformed.

    Still, I feel if only slightly equipt for the long road, whether from studying Campbell in college, or fasting for four days in the desert when I was 22-uears-old, or simply putting together compelling, substantive programming at work. As one of my favorite guitarists (The Who's Peter Townsend) says, "It's all building up to something."

    That said, this is a project that will progress in fits and starts. Chris and I have most definitely returned to earth. I expect that our next major step will be either Washington, DC, or Pittsburgh. Meanwhile, we work for "The Man."

    Either way, you have been a kind, patient, and giving soul. Likewise your wonderful family. Thank you so much. (These words themself seem insufficient.) Thank you for opening your home, and your heart, and
    sharing with me.

    I don't know quite what this will look like when we get there, but I can promise you that I will do my best to merit the fact that you're pulling for me.

    Now, however, I really must go to sleep. The Big City seems even bigger on just three hours of sleep.

    Love to all, and my deepest gratitude. Will speak soon, and keep you posted...

I hit send, then collapsed into deep, dreamless sleep.

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